Deployment Handbook

From: Subject: Deployment Handbook Date: Wed, 25 Jul 2007 10:08:01 -0400 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/related; type="text/html"; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_0000_01C7CEA3.AF300760" X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.3028 This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_0000_01C7CEA3.AF300760 Content-Type: text/html; charset="Windows-1252" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Content-Location: http://www.wood.army.mil/mwr/deploymenthndbook.htm Deployment Handbook

=20 Deployment Handbook &nbs= p;

&nbs= p; =20

TABLE OF = CONTENTS

Coping With A Separation=20
Stages Of Separation=20
How=20 Is Your Attitude... =20
Handling Stress... =20
The Reunion Process=20
Children=92s Issues =20
Separation Anxiety In = Children =20
Communication =20
Financial Matters=20
Budget =20
Household Maintenance=20
Legal =20
The Family Wheels =20
Safety=20 Tips =20
Fire-Safety Tips =20
Final=20 Pre-Separation Checklist =20
Medical =20
Final=20 Thoughts

This guide has been = prepared in order=20 to help family members, parents and significant others become better = prepared=20 for the separations required by military soldiers.

As members of the Armed = Services, we=20 must be ready at any time for deployment in support of military = operations,=20 exercises or real world situations, as well as in response to natural=20 disasters.

Deployments, especially = extended=20 ones, can create additional demands and stresses for those left behind.=20 Preplanning and education are the keys to reducing the = unpleasant=20 surprises that sometimes accompany separations. Among the topics and = issues=20 covered in this guide are finances, the importance of knowing the = location of=20 all your family=92s important papers/documents, safety, automobile and = household=20 maintenance tips, and legal tips.

We also have included = information on=20 how to prepare for and survive the emotional impact of the = deployment/reunion process. The time to begin planning for the emotional = changes=20 caused by separation and reunion is before your loved one=20 leaves.

We hope you find this = guide useful=20 for both you and your loved ones.

October = 1999

COPING WITH A=20 SEPARATION

At some point during your military = career, your=20 duties will require you to be away from home and your family, parents = and=20 friends for short or extended periods. It may be due to routine = training,=20 exercises, or real world situations (i.e., natural or man-made = disaster). No=20 matter what the cause, it is a common element of the disaster response=20 lifestyle--something we must learn to accept as military members and/or = family=20 members.

Most of us can expect to feel a strong = sense of=20 loss or even anger when hit with a separation. We face losing the = support and=20 companionship of our spouse or (in the case of children) a parent. = We=92re getting=20 a new load of responsibilities just when we=92re probably pretty = comfortable with=20 things the way they are in our lives. It=92s not easy suddenly becoming = a single=20 parent, nor is it easy being so far from home and worrying about how = things are=20 going at home and with those we love. It=92s not unusual then to feel = angry, lost=20 or even empty.

While there are many practical things = to get done=20 (i.e., wills, powers of attorney, changes in your budget, arrangement = for=20 payment of rent and other financial obligations, arrangements for care = of pets),=20 it is important to understand the emotional stages or responses you = and/or your=20 loved ones will be experiencing. Single soldiers can also expect to = experience=20 some of these same problems and emotional emotions.

STAGES OF=20 SEPARATION

Each one of us who faces a separation = goes through=20 some basic steps. You are not alone...or crazy=85this is normal! By = becoming aware=20 of these stages, you=92ll be able to cope a little better. Fear or = confusion you=20 find yourself experiencing won=92t be as scary. Knowing what you might = expect may=20 help you feel more in charge at times when it is easy to feel out of=20 control.

Anticipation of Loss (before departure): This stage is characterized by crying, = depression,=20 and anger, then guilt at feeling this way. There is also frustration = in your=20 awareness of how many household and family business chores must be = handled=20 before he/she leaves. Expect for both of you to experience a bona fide = physical as well as mental exhaustion. Everyone is on edge, and slight = irritations can grow to major proportions. Many couples/families = experience an=20 increase in arguments.

Detachment = (immediately before departure): This state is=20 characterized by feelings of hopelessness ("how will I cope...how will = the=20 children react?") Don=92t blame yourself or your partner if your = sexual=20 relationship suffers. This is a normal reaction to stress. Likewise, = arguing=20 right before departure is a normal reaction and is part of human = nature=92s way=20 of making it temporarily easier to say good-bye. We suggest you get = all the=20 necessary mechanical things out of the way as quickly as possible. = This will=20 help avoid last minute panic. Make time as a couple and/or family = "number one"=20 on your priority list. Do all the crazy things you have always wanted = to do=20 together=85run through the sprinkler with the children=85go camping = with the=20 family =85.or do nothing=97just do it together!

Emotional = Disorganization (up to six weeks after departure): This stage = is=20 characterized by irritability, sleep disturbance, and a feeling of = aloneness=20 and emptiness. You may find it hard to complete tasks. You feel "out = of the=20 routine." You may find it difficult to concentrate. If these feelings=20 linger=97reach out. This is a good time to contact your unit support=20 group.

While it is probably hard for you to = accept it=20 right now, periods of family separation can provide an opportunity for=20 self-growth. You may make mistakes=85get upset with yourself and your=20 children=85with your spouse or with the military. That=92s okay! = That=92s how we=20 learn. The following are some things to consider=85.

HOW IS=20 YOUR ATTITUDE...

What is an attitude? It is the state of mind with = which you=20 approach a situation. Why is your attitude so = important?=20 Because it affects how you look, what you say, and what you do. = It=20 affects how you feel, both physically and mentally, and it largely = affects how=20 successful you are in achieving your purpose in life.

Negative attitudes make life difficult = for=20 everyone. Positive attitudes help everyone get the most out of life. = While=20 talent is important and knowledge is essential, the most important key = to=20 success is your state of mind!

When your spouse goes away, you have to = make a=20 choice. You can apply a positive attitude, and make the best of the time = you=20 have to be apart or, you can apply a negative attitude (draw the drapes, = withdraw and complain until they come home). Given the two choices, the = first=20 one is much healthier!

Time passes quickly when you are busy. = It also=20 makes for better, longer, and more interesting letters to your spouse. = Find=20 something you enjoy doing. Set goals for tomorrow, next week, and next = month.=20 The completion of a project will give you a sense of satisfaction. Think = about

going back to school?

Pursuing an aerobic or weight = loss=20 program?

Seeking part-time or full-time=20 employment?

Participating in one of many = volunteer=20 programs?

Taking up a new hobby?

HANDLING=20 STRESS

It=92s bound to happen = sooner or later.=20 The headache=85frustration with balancing your job=97the kids=97the = bills=97trying not=20 to cry while you=92re talking to your spouse or significant other. There = are some=20 things you can do for yourself!

Take care of yourself. Don=92t = try to fix=20 family and friends.

Get and stay involved in things = that make you=20 happy.

Avoid self-medication and abusing = substances=20 like drugs, alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, and food. Liquor and = drugs may=20 reduce your anxiety, but don=92t remove the stressors.

Be flexible; accept that you = can=92t control=20 everything.

Set realistic goals that leave = time for=20 breaks and limit work. Take a stress reduction class.

Learn how to praise yourself and = accept=20 praise. Turn off (at least for a while) that little nagging voice = that=20 always says "I should...I ought to=85I must=85"

Keep a sense of humor with you at = all=20 times.

Start thinking about what you = really want out=20 of life and begin to work towards those goals.

Avoid sulking. Let people know = what you=20 want.

Learn how to express irritation = and=20 appreciation to others.

Pick out somebody you work with = and tell them=20 something about yourself that you haven=92t told anyone=20 else.

What should you be on the lookout = for?

Loneliness...most people find the = dinner=20 hour=85Sunday afternoon=85after the kids are in bed=85are the = times when they=20 miss their spouses the most. Everybody has an occasional blue=20 Monday.

If your blue days are increasing = in=20 frequency, pay attention to what is going on around you and in = you. Are=20 you:

Letting things=20 go? &nbs= p;=20 Gaining weight?

Yelling at the=20 kids? Constantly = watching=20 TV?

Sleeping in=20 late? &n= bsp; =20 Withdrawing from people?

Dropping out of = organizations?

Spending a lot of time with your=20 thoughts?

Drinking more than usual or drinking=20 alone?

You may not just be feeling sad. It = could be=20 something more serious=97like depression. Remember: No one takes a giant = leap into=20 depression. It is a gradual process. Your favorite words become "I = can=92t." While=20 some folks use alcohol and drugs as a remedy, it doesn=92t work. = Drinking does=20 nothing to answer life=92s problems. In fact, drinking just helps you to = relax and=20 forget--but the problems are still there.

The cure for depression is to be = proactive! Take=20 positive action. Thoughts and feelings change behavior. If you can, talk = to a=20 friend. If you are alone and problems seem overwhelming, think about = calling=20 coworkers. They are there to help. Reaching out for help is not a sign = of=20 weakness! While your spouse is away, you need to get the sense that you = are=20 moving up and forward. Depression will keep you immobile. This can be=20 painful=85frightening=85even dangerous if allowed to continue. Get=20 help!

Stabilization=20 (while you are separated): This is the stage where you will spend most = of your=20 time. Patterns are formed and become routine. You relax a little. You = discover=20 that you can deal with the everyday things and even solve the "biggies" = without=20 your spouse. This is the stage of personal growth. Make an effort to do = things=20 you=92ve always wanted to do and never seem to have time for. Take = classes,=20 volunteer, work, seek opportunities for new responsibilities. There may = be times=20 of mild depression or sadness, but don=92t dwell on it. Find a support = group and=20 get out and enjoy this newfound personal growth.

Anticipation of the = Homecoming (before arrival): This stage is characterized = by=20 excitement, joy, and relief that it=92s almost over. Many spouses go = into a=20 physical frenzy--cleaning every inch of the house, getting all the = projects=20 completed, getting the cars in top shape, etc. The spouse at home has = few=20 apprehensions--but the spouse returning has many. Depending on the = length of=20 time away, the returning spouse wonders how much the kids have grown and = changed, how authority will be reestablished, whether the spouse has = become too=20 independent, where he/she fits in, and whether or not he/she will have = any=20 personal time.

The Homecoming: This can be very emotional, and is often dependent on the = amount of=20 time away. Everyone is on a nervous high. The family is exhausted from = the=20 preparation of the return. The service member is exhausted from the = trip.=20 Everyone wants his/her attention. When it=92s not given, there will be = hurt=20 feelings. There will be tears. The conversation is long--trying to catch = up with=20 everything that has happened. Then the service member sleeps, and the = energy=20 level is low for days. The unwinding from the emotional high takes its = toll!=20 Families who have experienced the excitement of several returns from = long=20 deployments urge that reunions be downplayed a little. Lower your = expectations=20 so that the disappointment in a delayed arrival or greeting an exhausted = returnee will not be overwhelming.

The Reunion Process

TIPS FOR BOTH PARTNERS TO KEEP IN=20 MIND:

Avoid the "I=92ve Had It Worse" = game. Both=20 partners have faced difficult challenges during the past few=20 days/weeks/months.

Agree on family plans for the = first few=20 days/weeks. Let everyone contribute.

Give each other space as it is = needed. People=20 become accustomed to living without their partner and may not = always=20 consider another=92s opinion before making decisions.

If there were problems or = unfinished business=20 before the deployment, chances are they did not go away. The same=20 financial problems or disagreements regarding children and = discipline will=20 probably reappear after the homecoming party is over.

If you have children, that = "second honeymoon"=20 you=92ve talked about may have to wait for a while. Children do = not always=20 understand being pushed aside at a time when they need=20 attention.

Your sexual relationship may be = awkward at=20 first. This is not unusual. Do not feel you have to reestablish = intimacy=20 immediately. You may feel more comfortable getting to know one = another=20 again first. This may take a few hours or a few days. The "right" = answer=20 is the one that works best for you. Communicate about = feelings.

Intimacy reducers: Alcohol, = children awake=20 and scurrying around the house, unresolved hurt and anger, = distrust, and=20 experimentation without negotiation.

Many couples have gotten into a = real bind=20 because they feel the need to celebrate their reunion with a = spending=20 spree or vacation. Remember--if you can=92t afford it, don=92t do=20 it.

Communicate events that occurred = during the=20 deployment. Reread letters or discuss questions about the = deployment and=20 home life.

TIPS FOR THE SERVICE = MEMBER

On longer deployments, your = spouse may have=20 changed. While you=92ve been deployed, your spouse has learned to = cope with=20 new and different situations. Don=92t be threatened by this = independence.=20 The fact that your spouse can cope alone does not necessarily mean = he or=20 she wants to.

Ease yourself back into your = family=20 gradually. See yourself as a "special guest" for awhile. Don=92t = criticize=20 how your spouse has handled the children, finances, or the = household--that=20 can cause resentment. If changes need to be made, they can wait a = few=20 weeks. Some things will change naturally as a result of you being=20 home.

Be positive about the decisions = your spouse=20 has made, even if you would have handled them = differently.

Don=92t try and take over the = finances=20 immediately. Don=92t interrogate your spouse over every penny he = or she may=20 have spent in your absence. You may find sharing financial=20 responsibilities a welcome addition to your household=20 management.

Don=92t be surprised if your = spouse is a little=20 bit envious of your travels. Your life may have appeared to be = very=20 exciting compared to his or her job at home.

When it comes to discipline, take = it easy on=20 the children for awhile. Stick to the rules your spouse has = established=20 during your absence. Changing the rules suddenly may not only be = difficult=20 on the children but your spouse may also resent it. On the other = hand, it=20 may be very tempting to spoil the children. Don=92t put your = spouse in the=20 position where he or she must constantly play the "heavy" while = you have=20 all the fun with the=20 children.

TIPS FOR THE SPOUSE:

On longer deployments, expect = your spouse to=20 have changed. Pressures of the job, exposure to the suffering of = disaster=20 victims, and separation from the family may cause attitude=20 changes.

Be patient. Your spouse=92s = routine may have=20 become regimented. It will take some time to readjust to family = life. He=20 or she may try to run the family like a government unit or they = may rebel=20 against any type of schedule at all.

You may have altered your = schedule to=20 compensate for your spouse=92s absence. For instance, you may have = enrolled=20 in a class or have made new friends. Give your spouse time to = adjust to=20 these new commitments.

You may find your spouse is = either surprised=20 or hurt that you=92ve managed so well by yourself. Try not to get = defensive.=20 Reassure him/her you very much need his/her companionship and = emotional=20 support.

Many spouses have been devastated = because=20 their partner arrives home exhausted. Working long hours and jet = lag=20 contribute to fatigue as well as the excitement of returning home. = Allow=20 your spouse to adjust to time changes. Expect he/she will want = plenty of=20 rest the first few days home.

Many spouses have also been hurt = because=20 their partner is not interested in the reunion celebration they = planned.=20 Allow room for flexibility and spontaneity the first few days = home. Plan=20 only homecoming activities that can be easily=20 changed.

CHILDREN AND REUNION:

If possible, talk with your = children before=20 the service member comes home. Find out what feelings of anger or = fear=20 they may have bottled up inside.

When the service member returns, = don=92t pack=20 the kids off to grandma=92s house so you can be alone.

Your children may choose to keep = their=20 distance from the returning parent because they may have = unresolved=20 feelings of anger toward the parent who left them. They may not = trust the=20 parent not to leave them again. These children want to be = "courted" back=20 into the relationship.

Other children may attempt to = cling to the=20 returning parent for dear life. If the parent leaves the room, the = children fear they may be abandoned. This "clinging" stage will = pass when=20 they become sure the parent will return home at the end of the=20 day.

Jealousy is a common reaction for = children=20 during a reunion. They were the center of attention of the parent = that=20 remained behind. Be careful not to abruptly demote the child to = the #2=20 spot.

On longer deployments, expect = your child to=20 have changed emotionally and physically. Six months can mean a = different=20 stage of development, especially with children. Crawling babies = may be=20 walking or a teenager may be dating.

Do not alter discipline = procedures the family=20 has established while the employee was away. Discipline methods = should be=20 changed only after the parents have had a chance to discuss = options=20 privately.

Above all, make sure your = children feel loved=20 and needed. Children need to celebrate your return, = too!

Renegotiation=20 (for longer deployments): Reality hits! The returning spouse finds a = more=20 independent family. A little anger, a little disappointment, and a = little guilt=20 creep in. This is not the same family--they are older, more mature, and = more=20 self-confident. The children seem to depend more on the spouse they = stayed with,=20 forgetting to seek help from the returned spouse. Even the parent=92s = sexual=20 relationship is a little strained. Things cannot be as they used to be! = All=20 these people have changed. This is the stage for clear communication of = needs=20 and wants. It=92s time to refocus, and reorganize. Each will feel a loss = of=20 individual freedom. It=92s time to renegotiate the "individual space" = for all.=20 Many divorces occur during this stage. The returning spouse boldly = marches in to=20 recapture his/her kingdom. The family members want to retain their = routine and=20 the spouse who stayed may not want to give up the measure of = independence,=20 decision making, and private freedom he/she experienced during the=20 separation.

Reintegration:=20 This is the stabilization stage. Now the conversations become "we", = "us", and=20 "our." The family begins to move forward as a unit. When you are back = together=20 again, take some quiet time to sit together, holding hands and talking = about=20 what happened. You need to listen to each other and you both need to = talk. You=20 have a thousand questions to ask, as does your spouse, and you both need = reassurance that everything will be okay. Realize that you both have = grown=20 during your time apart and it is important for each of you to allow the = other to=20 have some space and time alone. This is the time to reestablish old = patterns or=20 to establish new, better ones. This can take several weeks, so don=92t = expect to=20 fall back into "how it was" overnight. Take time to enjoy the intense = pleasure=20 of reuniting as a couple.

Keep this in mind as you face a family = separation.=20 The leaving and returning are never easy, but it does not last forever. = Rarely=20 are the separation and reunion exactly as you would have imagined. Both = have=20 their drawbacks, but both also have their rewards. The important thing = is that=20 you both survived the separation. Remember the time apart, what you = learned,=20 what you liked, and what you did not like. Apply these lessons to = similar=20 experiences that you may face in the future. It will help to make you a=20 stronger, better prepared husband and wife team.

CHILDREN=92S=20 ISSUES

Parents can help children understand = and accept the=20 separation and their feelings about it by planning ahead. Anticipate the = problems and discuss them with the entire family.

FAMILY PRE-SEPARATION

The family pre-separation period is = stressful for=20 parents and children. Confronted with an extended absence of a parent, = family=20 members sense a loss of continuity and security. Children may not fully=20 understand why one of their parents must leave. Young children may = become=20 confused and fearful that Mommy or Daddy will disappear (i.e., "the fear = of=20 abandonment").

Children are not very good at = expressing fears and=20 feelings in words. Anger and a desire for revenge, as well as guilt for = feeling=20 that way, are often demonstrated in the children=92s behavior. Change is = puzzling=20 to children. They want everything to remain the same. When changes = occur,=20 children usually have no other way to release anxieties, and no where to = go for=20 help. At a time when the service member's duties becomes more demanding = of their=20 time and energy, the spouse who stays at home may feel overwhelmed, as = they=20 prepare to solely support the children, home, and car.

What can be done about relieving the = stress of the=20 family pre-separation period? Think about the following ideas which have = been=20 helpful to others in similar situations.

TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT THE=20 DEPLOYMENT

=85=85 BEFORE IT = HAPPENS!

Communicate your thoughts and feelings = about the=20 separation. Be open and honest. Some parents worry that advance warning = will=20 only give children more time to fret. However, children can sense when = something=20 is about to happen and worry more when they are left in the dark. = Knowing about=20 the assignment or deployment in advance helps in adjusting to the=20 idea.

BUILDING AN EMOTIONAL = BOND

The departing service member needs to = spend some=20 QUALITY time with each child before he/she leaves. Younger children = (under=20 eight) will be willing to accept a half-hour of face-to-face = communication.=20 Don=92t be afraid to hug your child. A display of affection is powerful=20 communication. Older children (eight and over) appreciate being = consulted when=20 deciding how long and where this "special" time together can = occur.

Use this time to share pride in your = work, the=20 military and the purpose for your deployment. Children of school age are = beginning to understand that some events must happen for the good of = everyone.=20 It is a little easier to let go if mom or dad=92s job is seen as = essential to the=20 mission of the military.

Often when asked if something is = bothering them, a=20 child will say "no." But there are ways to get through. Make some casual = references to your own worries or ambivalent feelings about the = impending=20 assignment or deployment. This enables both parent and child to share = similar=20 feelings. It also helps a child to realize their parent is a real person = who can=20 cry as well as laugh, and it models an appropriate way to release = feelings talk=20 about them.

VISIT YOUR CHILD=92S = TEACHER

For our children, school is the second = most=20 important support system they have next to their families. Frequently = children=20 react to the assignment or deployment by misbehaving in class or = performing=20 poorly in their studies. Take the time to talk with your child=92s = teacher about=20 the upcoming separation. A teacher who is aware of the situation is in a = better=20 position to be sensitive and encouraging.

CHILDREN NEED TO SEE THE PARENT=92S=20 WORKPLACE

Very young children need to see where = mom or dad=20 eats, sleeps, and spends some of their day when away from home. You can = do this=20 through pictures or TV videos. This provides them with a concrete image = of where=20 the parent is when they can=92t come home. If you have access to the = Internet from=20 your home, or the home of a friend, let the children visit the = installation WEB=20 Site. A wealth of information is available and the process is fun for = the=20 children. Older children can learn a great deal from the parent about = the=20 function of his or her job, the sophisticated technology, = interdependence of=20 each division of the Army with the other, and career = direction.

PLAN FOR COMMUNICATING

Expect children to stay in touch with = the departed=20 spouse. A lively discussion needs to take place before departure. = Encourage=20 children to brainstorm the many ways communication can occur in addition = to=20 letter writing, such as cassette tape exchanges, photographs with their = parents,=20 encoded messages, "puzzle messages" (a written letter cut into puzzle = parts that=20 must be assembled in order to read), unusual paper for stationery, and = pictures=20 drawn by preschoolers.

HELP CHILDREN TO PLAN FOR THE=20 DEPARTURE

While the service member is packing = bags, allow=20 your children to assist you in some way. Suggest a "swap" of some token, = something of your child=92s that can be packed in a suitcase in return = for=20 something that belongs to the departing spouse.

Discuss the household chores and let = your children=20 choose (as much as possible) the ones they would rather do. Both parents = need to=20 agree with each other that division of household chores is reasonable. = The role=20 of disciplinarian needs to be supported by the departing = employee.

BEING A LONG DISTANCE = PARENT

Parenting while away from home is not = easy. Some=20 separated parents find it so emotionally difficult they withdraw and = become=20 significantly less involved in the lives of their children while they = are apart.=20 This, of course, is not good either for the parent or the children, not = to=20 mention the difficulty this causes the parent/caregiver who is at home = alone.=20 The most important aspect of parenting from a distance is making those = small=20 efforts to stay in touch. Doing something to say the parent is thinking = about=20 and missing the child is what is most important. Here are some practical = suggestions to help keep the absentee parent involved with their=20 children.

Letters and cards from mom or dad = are=20 important. The length and contents are not nearly as important as = the=20 presence of something in the mail from the absent parent. When = sending=20 picture post cards, make little notes about the place or write = that you=20 stood right here "x" in the picture. Any small thing which = makes=20 the card personal will have tremendous meaning to children at=20 home.

Cut out and send things from the = local paper=20 or magazines. This is a tangible way to help feel connected and = give them=20 an idea of what life is like there.

For older children, a = subscription to a=20 favorite magazine is a gift that keeps on giving.

When using a tape recorder, = remember to be=20 creative: sing "Happy Birthday," tell a story, read scripture, = take it=20 with you on your job or when visiting with other employees of your = unit.=20 Don=92t try to fill a tape completely in one sitting. Make sure = you describe=20 the surroundings, the time of day, and what you are = doing.

Try not to forget birthdays and = special=20 holidays that would be important to a child, particularly = Thanksgiving,=20 Christmas, Easter, Halloween, or Valentine=92s Day.

Try to schedule phone calls when = children are=20 likely to be at home. Keep a mental list of things you want to = talk about=20 with each child, such as their friends, school, ball games, etc. = Ask each=20 child to send you something from their activities at school, home, = or=20 elsewhere, like dance lessons, youth groups, or scouts.

If your child has a pet, make = sure to ask=20 about it.

Send an age-appropriate gift for = each child.=20 It should be something special just for them. Some interesting and = creative gifts include a special notebook for school, a book for = coloring=20 or reading, or something unique from where you are=20 stationed.

Just because a child cannot tell you = about their=20 concerns it doesn=92t mean that they are not troubled. Children don=92t = usually=20 recognize the cause nor will they tell you they are concerned. The = spouse that=20 is departing should communicate with each child individually. There is = no=20 substitute for a letter with your own name on the envelope. Send = postcards,=20 snapshots, and tape recordings of the sounds around you where you are = deployed.=20 Use unusual stamps, felt-tip pens, colored pencils, and different styles = of=20 alphabets and lettering.

SEPARATION=20 ANXIETY IN CHILDREN

Until very recently, little thought or = attention=20 had been given to the impact of separation from a parent upon a child. = These are=20 some signs of separation anxiety.

In preschool or kindergarten-age = children:

Clinging to people or a favorite = toy,=20 blanket, etc.

Unexplained crying or = tearfulness

Change in relationships with same = age=20 friends

Choosing adults over same-age=20 friends

Increased acts of violence = towards people,=20 pets, or things

Shrinking away from people or = becoming very=20 quiet

Sleep difficulties (nightmares, = frequent=20 waking up, bedwetting)

Eating difficulties

Fear of new people or=20 situations

In primary school = children:

Any of the above, plus

A rise in complaints about = stomach aches,=20 headaches, or other illness when nothing seems to be = wrong

More irritable or = cranky

Increase of problems at = school

Drop in grades

Unwillingness to go to = school

Odd complaints about school = and/or=20 teachers

Among adolescents:

Any of the above, plus

Acting-out behaviors (getting = into a lot of=20 trouble in school, at home, or with the law)

Low self-esteem and = self-criticism (blaming=20 themselves for a situation)

Misdirected anger (lots of anger = over small=20 events)

Sudden or unusual school = problems

Loss of interest in usual hobbies = or=20 activities

While any single behavior might not in = itself be=20 due to a family separation, a pattern of these behaviors and a pending=20 deployment should tip off a parent that the children are experiencing = separation=20 anxiety. Some suggested responses by parents, educators and concerned = adults=20 include:

Helping the child to label what = he/she is=20 feeling

Accepting the feeling in a = nonjudgmental=20 manner

Reflecting to the child what you = see and=20 hear, since this can help the child understand what is happening. = It will=20 also help to validate or confirm your impression.

Modeling what you consider to be = more=20 constructive ways of dealing with strong and/or negative=20 emotions

Letting the child know what the = logical or=20 natural consequences of his/her misbehavior will=20 be

Sometimes it becomes a matter of stress = management=20 for kids. This consists of activities that will help to "burn up" the = emotional=20 energy within them (i.e., running, digging in a sandbox, pounding with = safe or=20 soft toys, activities with clay or finger paints). If bad behaviors = continue,=20 then professional help may be needed. Parents should contact support = groups,=20 church members, friends, or extended family for further=20 assistance.

COMMUNICATION

Learn to be tactful without being = brutally frank.=20 If you want to know what is going on with another person, listen to what = that=20 person is saying. Communication is an important part of keeping any = marriage=20 alive. But when you are separated for so long or by so many miles, = communication=20 becomes a vital necessity. As much as you need air and water, you = NEED to=20 hear from your spouse and he/she from you. You both have several = communication=20 options available to you during a family separation, several of which = will be=20 discussed later on.

Now is the time to open the = communication lines=20 between you. Honestly discuss with each other your feelings about the = assignment=20 or deployment. What are your fears and expectations? Have you both = considered=20 and discussed what kind of changes can be expected by the time the = separation is=20 over? The spouse at home will be more independent than either of you can = imagine. Your financial situation may change by the separation=92s end. = The spouse=20 at home may begin or end a job. Personalities will definitely change, = especially=20 those of the children. By the time the service member returns, goals may = have=20 changed for either or both of you. Instead of wanting to learn to change = a tire,=20 for example, you may be ready to rebuild an engine.

LETTERS/TELEPHONE = CALLS
Letters and phone calls are your lifeline to = sanity. (Wait=20 till you have not communicated in a week and see if you don=92t think = so). But it=20 takes a special skill, one you can easily develop, to write a = letter/enjoy a=20 phone call during a family separation. You must walk a fine line between = "Everything=92s falling apart and I cannot handle it without you," and=20 "Everything=92s falling apart but I do not need you anymore to fix = it."

Some spouses relate how great = everything is, and=20 how angelic the children are. Come on! They know things do not run that = smoothly=20 even when they are home. The more they get "everything is great" = letters/phone=20 calls, the more they worry. In time, they begin to believe that you do = not need=20 them around anymore. (That is one of the worst, most common fears the = spouse=20 will have while separated.)

Other spouses go entirely the other = way--every=20 little problem or irritation goes into the letter/call. It is full of = complaints=20 about how they must come home immediately to change a flat tire or = discipline a=20 child for a minor infraction. This kind of contact can make a family = separation=20 a living nightmare for the employee.

Handle your communications with the = same tact and=20 understanding you want your spouse to have for you. You want to know = everything=20 that goes on around them, good or bad. You want to know about their = friends and=20 how they spend their time. You want to know they still love and need = you. They=20 want to hear those things from you also. PATIENCE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT = WORD=20 WHEN DISCUSSING FAMILY SEPARATIONS and COMMUNICATION

Remember that mail is irregular at = best. Letters=20 and packages seldom arrive two days in a row. Sometimes two to three = weeks pass=20 between the time you place letters in the mail and the time they are=20 received.

A Letter Writer=92s Guide = - Here are a few ways to enhance talking back = and forth to=20 each other by letter.

Use flash mail. This is a free = email service=20 that allows you to send letters to the service member. Check this = out at=20 WWW.NACEC.ORG

Answer all questions. Write with = your=20 spouse=92s letter and picture in front of you, as though talking = directly to=20 them.

Ask advice when = needed.

Explain problems clearly. If = vague and=20 unresolved, your spouse will worry.

Express an appreciation for = letters, tapes,=20 etc., mentioning one or two points of special interest.

Relate daily activities in = amusing and=20 interesting ways.

Remember, it is important to = frequently=20 express your affection for your partner.

Share your feelings as openly and = freely as=20 you can without indulging in self-pity. Let your spouse know you = would=20 like to share their feelings.

Above all, express yourself = clearly and=20 unequivocally so that your spouse will not have to say, "I wonder = what was=20 meant by that!" Neither husband nor wife should try to interpret = what the=20 other says, read between the lines, or discern the meanings. If = you do not=20 understand, ask questions--otherwise take things at "face=20 value."

If you have children and they can = write, have=20 them enclose notes or pictures in your letters. Children can use = separate=20 envelopes. Send pictures of home, the Christmas tree, activities = around=20 the house, etc. Have your spouse write separate letters to the = children=20 rather than a joint letter.

Relay news of the neighborhood, = friends, and=20 relatives. Clip out newspaper articles that might be of interest = to the=20 children rather than a joint letter.

Call/write often. If that is = hard, supplement=20 with cards (funny or romantic). Cards can help to express your = thoughts=20 and feelings, often in a unique or humorous=20 way.

PHONE CALLS

Nothing can substitute for your = spouse=92s voice.=20 That is why telephone calls are so popular. Agree before the separation = or=20 deployment starts how many times, and when, calls will be made. Budget = money for=20 the calls during the assignment or deployment so you are financially = prepared=20 when the bills start coming in.

One way to keep your phone costs down = is to be=20 prepared for the call. Keep a list near the phone so you know what to = talk=20 about. However, be prepared for the unexpected tears from both you and = your=20 spouse.

It may also be cheaper if, when your = spouse calls,=20 you ask him/her to give you the phone number, and then you call him/her = back.=20 You will still be charged for the initial three minutes, but it is = cheaper when=20 you call your spouse direct if you plan on talking for more than five to = ten=20 minutes. Look in the phone book or call the operator and see what hours = are=20 cheaper; ask your spouse to use those hours whenever possible. If you = cannot get=20 through your conversation in 15 minutes, tell your spouse you will call = him/her=20 back.

CARE PACKAGES

A "care package" is exactly what it = sounds like--a=20 little bit of home that says, "I love you; I=92m thinking about you." = With just a=20 little planning, they can be a great link over the distances. Care = packages are=20 also a morale builder during remote assignments or deployments. = Speculation and=20 excitement run throughout an entire shop when just one package arrives. = When you=20 get your first "thank you" letter, you will be eager to start your next=20 package.

MAILING TIPS

Check with UPS on mailing=20 restrictions.

Do not use wrapping paper if you = can help it,=20 and string will foul up the postal machines. The Post Office = recommends=20 the reinforced, nylon strapping tape.

Put an extra address card INSIDE = before you=20 seal the package. If the box should be damaged and neither address = on the=20 outside can be read, it will be opened by the Post Office. If they = cannot=20 find where it should go from the contents, the whole package goes = to the=20 dead-letter bin.

Be sure that if you are sending a = package for=20 a special occasion to mail it so it has plenty of time to arrive. = Better=20 to arrive a little early than let your spouse think you have = forgotten=20 him/her.

Do not forget to mark packages = containing=20 recorded messages, music, or VCR tapes with the words "MAGNETIC = RECORDED=20 TAPES INSIDE--DO NOT=20 X-RAY."

FINANCIAL = MATTERS

Many of the problems that spouses have = during=20 family separations are money-related.

SPENDING PLAN

Make a complete inventory of your = monthly financial=20 obligations (see budget worksheet). Consumer Affairs Financial = Assistance=20 Program at ACS can assist you in organizing a spending plan for your = family.=20 Basically, you need to estimate the amount of money coming in, your = "fixed"=20 expenses (housing, utilities, etc.) and the management of the remaining = income=20 (savings, emergencies, major purchases, recreation, etc.).

Both spouses need to work out a = spending plan=20 together. This point cannot be stressed enough since financial = difficulty is one=20 of the most common problems families experience during = separation.

BILLS

Designate one person to pay the bills = regularly=20 each month. The spouse who is home on a more regular basis usually = accepts this=20 responsibility. Although both spouses should be aware of their financial = picture, switching back and forth may lead to confusion.

TWO CHECKING ACCOUNTS

Some employees find it helpful to = maintain two=20 checking accounts one for monthly household expenses and one for the = employee=20 who is away from home. This eliminates the problem of some deposits and=20 withdrawals not being recorded, as a result of two people in two = different=20 places trying to operate out of one checkbook.

If you decide to operate with one = checking account,=20 make sure you work out procedures for maintaining a "master" check = register=20 up-to-date at all times to avoid confusion and possible = problems.

BUDGET

How much money do you really have? It = is essential=20 to review your budget due to the variations that can occur with = government pay=20 and allowances during a deployment period. How much money should the = service=20 member take and how much should be left with the family? Use the = following=20 checklist to aid you in your financial decisions:

SPECIAL BUDGET = CONSIDERATIONS

Cost of long-distance phone calls = between the=20 spouses and relatives and friends.

Non-reimbursable expenses of the = service=20 member.

Allowances in the spending plan = to cover=20 these costs or an agreement not to indulge in these extras and = stick to=20 the plan.

INCOME

Base Pay $_________________

Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH) $=20 ________________

Other Allowances = $_________________

Other Income = $_________________

TOTAL = $_________________

DEDUCTIONS

Federal Withholding Tax=20 $_________________

State Withholding Tax = $_________________

FICA (Social Security)=20 $_________________

Service member's Group Life Insurance=20 $_________________

Government Quarters = $_________________

Allotments = $_________________

Other Deductions = $_________________

TOTAL = $_________________

AVAILABLE INCOME (income minus deductions)$_________________

MONTHLY EXPENDITURES - AT = HOME

Housing (rent/house payment)=20 $__________________

Housing Upkeep (small tools, repairs)=20 $__________________

Utilities (gas, electric, water, cable) = $__________________

Telephone = $__________________

Food (groceries, meats, bakery, school=20 $__________________

lunches, eating out, pet foods, = etc.)

Babysitter = $__________________

Clothing $__________________

Clothing Upkeep (dry cleaning, = tailoring)=20 $__________________

Car Upkeep (gas, oil, repairs)=20 $__________________

Insurance (life, health, car, etc.)=20 $__________________

Education (college, books, etc.)=20 $__________________

Children=92s Allowance = $__________________

Recreation (party fees, travel, etc.)=20 $__________________

Savings $__________________

Investments = $__________________

Total Monthly Payments=20 $__________________

AT HOME TOTAL = $__________________

Outstanding Debts Chart (furniture, appliances, car payments, loans, = AMEX,=20 etc.)

Item Balance = Payment

$ $_____________

________________________________$_____________________=20 $_____________

________________________________$_____________________=20 $_____________
________________________________$_____________________ = $_____________

Total Monthly Payments $_____________________ $_____________

(enter under "At Home = Expenditures")

Monthly Expenditures - For Service = member On=20 Deployment

Health and Comfort Items = $_____________

Stamps and Stationery = $_____________

Reading and Phone Calls = $_____________

Recreation $_____________

Food $_____________

Petty Cash $_____________

Other (any special or = unusual

expenditures) $_____________

Deployment Total=20 $_____________

Total Expenditures - At home and deployment $______________

Things To Remember:

1. List your best estimate costs. If = you listed=20 allotments at the beginning under deductions, do not list them again = under=20 expenditures.

2. Housing should not be more than 25% = of take-home=20 pay.

3. Payments on credit purchases (not = including car)=20 should not be more than 10% of your take-home pay.

4. List any special needs or = anticipated expenses=20 that might occur, like periodic buying of children's shoes.

5. Your total monthly expenditures = should never=20 exceed your available income.

6. Know how to read the service = member's Leave and=20 Earnings Statement.

IMPORTANT FAMILY = INFORMATION

________________________________________________________________= ____________

Service Member's full name Social = Security=20 Number

________________________________________________________________= ____________

Organization (complete = Address)

________________________________________________________________= ____________

Home Address

________________________________________________________________= ____________

Complete Permanent Address

Birth:__________________________________________________________= _____________

Date Location

Naturalization (if=20 applicable):____________________________________________________

Date Location

Parents: Father's Name and=20 Address______________________________________________

______________________________________________

Mother's Name and=20 Address_______________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________= ______________

Spouse's full name Social Security=20 Number

________________________________________________________________= ______________

Work Address

________________________________________________________________= ______________

Home Address

________________________________________________________________= ______________

Complete Permanent Address

Birth:__________________________________________________________= _______________

Date Location

Naturalization (if=20 applicable):______________________________________________________=

Parents: Father's Name and=20 Address________________________________________________

________________________________________________

Mother's Name and=20 Address_______________________________________________

________________________________________________

Married:________________________________________________________= _______________

Date Location

Children (Full Names, Places and Dates = of=20 Birth):

________________________________________________________________= ______________

________________________________________________________________= _________________________________________________________________________= _________________________________________________________________________= ________________________

Other Dependent (Full = Names):

A Personal Lawyer or Trusted Friend who = may be=20 consulted regarding our personal business affairs:

________________________________________________________________= ______________

Full Name

________________________________________________________________= ______________

Complete Address

Property Ownership:

(1) Real Estate (Description and=20 Location):

________________________________________________________________= _____________

(2)=20 Automobile_______________________________________________________________= ____

Make Model Year State = Registered

________________________________________________________________= ______________

Vehicle # 2 Make Model Year State=20 Registered

________________________________________________________________= ______________

Insurance Company (Complete Address) = Policy=20 Number

(3) Other Personal Property (Item and = ID=20 Number):____________________________________

Financial:

(1)=20 Checking_________________________________________________________________= __

Bank Account Number

(2)=20 Savings__________________________________________________________________= ___

Bank Account Number

(3) Other=20 (Specify)____________________________________________________________

(4) Safe Deposit Box=20 __________________________________________________________

Bank Box Number

(5) Stocks, Bonds, Certificates (Type, = Number, and=20 Location of Each)___________________

________________________________________________________________= ____________

(6) Debts, Amount of Payment Due and = Creditors=20 Address____________________________

________________________________________________________________= ____________

Enter any additional data regarding = insurance,=20 allotments, military records, instructions, etc.

________________________________________________________________= ____________

Household Maintenance:

(1) Washer/Dryer

Make:___________________________________Model:__________________= _________

Where=20 Purchased:__________________________________________________________

When=20 Purchased:__________________________________________________________

If Servicing Required=20 call:___________________________________________________

(Name)

____________________________________________________

(Address)

____________________________________________________

(Phone)

(2) Stove:

Make:______________________=20 Model:___________________

Where=20 Purchased:_________________________________________________________

When=20 Purchased:_________________________________________________________

If Servicing Required=20 Call:_________________________________________________

(Name)

_________________________________________________
(Address)

_________________________________________________

(Phone)

(3) Window Air Conditioner:

Make:______________________=20 Model:___________________

Where=20 Purchased:_________________________________________________________

When=20 Purchased:_________________________________________________________

If Servicing Required=20 Call:_________________________________________________

(Name)

_________________________________________________
(Address)

_________________________________________________

(Phone)

(4) VCR:

Make:______________________=20 Model:___________________

Where=20 Purchased:_________________________________________________________

When=20 Purchased:_________________________________________________________

If Servicing Required=20 Call:_________________________________________________

(Name)

_________________________________________________
(Address)

_________________________________________________

(Phone)

(5) Freezer:

Make:______________________=20 Model:___________________

Where=20 Purchased:_________________________________________________________

When=20 Purchased:_________________________________________________________

If Servicing Required=20 Call:_________________________________________________

(Name)

_________________________________________________
(Address)

_________________________________________________

(Phone)

(6) Refrigerator:

Make:______________________=20 Model:___________________

Where=20 Purchased:_________________________________________________________

When=20 Purchased:_________________________________________________________

If Servicing Required=20 Call:_________________________________________________

(Name)

_________________________________________________
(Address)

_________________________________________________

(Phone)

(7) Television

Make:______________________=20 Model:___________________

Where=20 Purchased:_________________________________________________________

When=20 Purchased:_________________________________________________________

If Servicing Required=20 Call:_________________________________________________

(Name)

_________________________________________________
(Address)

_________________________________________________

(Phone)

(8) Trouble Calls:

Plumber:_____________________________________________________

(Name)

______________________________________________________

(Address)

______________________________________________________

(Phone)

Remarks:________________________________________________________= _________________________________________________________________________= _________________________________________________________________________= ________________________

Electrician:____________________________________________________= _

(Name)

______________________________________________________

(Address)

______________________________________________________

(Phone)

Heating=20 System______________________________________________

(Name)

______________________________________________________

(Address)

______________________________________________________

(Phone)

Air Conditioning=20 System:_____________________________________________________

(Name)

______________________________________________________

(Address)

______________________________________________________

(Phone)

Miscellaneous Information:

________________________________________________________________= ______________

VIP=3D VERY IMPORTANT PAPERS = (Documents and Records). The military family = needs to keep=20 their VIPs in a safe place that is known to all members of the family. A = safe=20 place should be fire proof and theft resistant such as a safe deposit = box at the=20 bank or a lockable-fireproof strongbox or (for economy) a ziplock bag = hidden in=20 the back of your freezer. This container should hold the following = documents, as=20 a MINIMUM:

1. Marriage Certificate

2. Birth Certificate

3. Up-to-date shot records of all = family=20 members

4. Citizenship papers (if = any)

5. Adoption papers (if any)

6. Passports (if any)

7. All insurance policies: current = addresses and=20 phone numbers of companies

8. Power of Attorney

9. Wills

10. List of all credit card and account = numbers

11. Banking Accounts (checking and = savings) account=20 number, Bank Address and phone numbers

12. LES (Leave and Earning Statements), = especially=20 the last one

13. Savings bonds, certificate of = deposit, stocks,=20 etc

14. Copies of contracts (i.e. = installment contract,=20 apartment lease)

15. Real estate documents

16. Court orders of = documents

17. Titles of ownership (i.e.=20 automobile)

18. Military records and orders for all = assignments

19. Current names, addresses, and phone = numbers of=20 immediate family members

NOTE: UP-DATE ALL RECORDS PRIOR TO EACH = DEPLOYMENT.

ITEMS WITH EXPIRATION = DATES: Be sure to check every license, ID card, = medical card,=20 auto plate, insurance sticker, etc. to insure that they do not expire = during the=20 deployment. If any item of them do, renew it prior to the departure=20 date.

FAMILY HEALTH:=20 Non-emergency medical appointments, shots for school, record up-dates, = dental=20 appointments, etc. should be attended to prior to the deployment. It is = very=20 important that each family member be enrolled in DEERS (Defense = Enrollment=20 Eligibility Reporting System). Non-emergency medical treatment care will = not be=20 provided to persons not enrolled.

HOUSEHOLD=20 MAINTENANCE

Ensure that your spouse knows what type = of things=20 you fix and what items the landlord (if you rent your home/apartment) = maintains.=20 Emergency problems involving plumbing, heating, air conditioning, and = electrical=20 failure can occur. Be sure your spouse knows whom to call in case of = home=20 maintenance problems. Does he/she know where the toolbox is?

Take the time to go over the most = common procedures=20 or things he/she might need to know. Have the following phone numbers in = a handy=20 location.

Rental agent/landlord: = (name)

Plumber: (name)

Electrician: (name)

Heating/air conditioning:=20 (name)

Some additional things to consider or = check prior=20 to a deployment:

Do you have the name and phone = number of=20 home/renters insurance agent?

Are all the fuses/circuit = breakers in the=20 house labeled? If fuses are required, leave an adequate supply and = make=20 sure your spouse knows how to change them.

Do all windows and doors have = good=20 locks?

Is there adequate outside = lighting? Are=20 replacement bulbs handy?

Are the washer, dryer, stove and=20 refrigerator, freezer, dishwasher, microwave, television and any = other=20 appliances in good working order?

Does everyone know how to turn = off the gas=20 and water mains to the house?

Is the heating/cooling system in = running=20 order? Is the filter clean? Does he/she know how to change and = where to=20 purchase replacement filters?

Is the hot water heater insulated = and running=20 well? Is the thermostat set at a safe temperature to prevent = accidental=20 scalding?

Do any faucets leak? Do toilets = function=20 properly? Is there a plunger handy in case too much toilet paper = is=20 used?

Have you inspected all lawn care = tools and=20 machinery (i.e., mower; edger; trimmer, etc.) to ensure they are = in safe=20 operating condition?

If gasoline is used, is it stored = in the=20 proper kind of container?

If you have a fireplace, does = each member of=20 the house know the proper way to build and/or control a fire? Is = each=20 family member aware of how to open the flue so smoke will not back = up into=20 the rest of the house?

Are all your smoke detectors = working? If in=20 doubt, change the batteries.

Are there enough, and the right = type of, fire=20 extinguishers in your home? Does everyone know how to use=20 them?

LEGAL

1. Special Powers of Attorney to = make medical=20 decisions: These generally allow you to designate a person to = determine=20 whether to terminate life-support systems when you are terminally = ill--much as=20 living will would allow you to determine in advance when to terminate=20 life-support systems if you were terminally ill. For example, if you had = cancer,=20 expected to live for only one year even with life-support systems, and = could not=20 express your wishes regarding termination of the life-support system, = the wishes=20 you expressed in your living will would determine whether or not such=20 life-support systems should be terminated. If, however, you were in a = coma as=20 the result of some accident, but expected to live on indefinitely with = the aid=20 of life support systems, the special power of attorney to make medical = decisions=20 would empower someone else to decide (using any guidelines you had set = forth in=20 the document) whether or not to terminate the life-support = systems.

Living Wills: A living will = generally allows=20 you to indicate whether or not you wish to have life-support systems, = such as a=20 respirator, keep you alive in a situation in which you are terminally = ill,=20 unable to express your wishes, and would die but for such life-support=20 systems.

3. Wills: A will generally = allows you to=20 determine who will receive your property after your death. If you die = without a=20 will, State law determines who will receive your property. A will also = allows=20 you to designate an executor (the person who will actually distribute = your=20 property after your death). If someone who is either irresponsible or=20 untrustworthy is appointed to perform that function, your heirs (the = people who=20 receive your property under your will) may not receive your property, or = they=20 may have to hire an attorney to make sure that they do. A will also = allows you=20 to play a role in selecting who will take care of your minor children = after your=20 death. Finally, making a will allows you to plan the distribution of = your=20 property so that a minimum amount of that property goes to the State or = federal=20 government in the form of inheritance or estate taxes.

4. Powers of Attorney: A power = of attorney=20 allows you to designate a person to perform, on your behalf, certain = functions=20 (such as selling a car, buying a house, or performing other actions with = important legal or financial consequences) which have to be performed = while you=20 are away or unable to perform them for other reasons. A special power of = attorney restricts the authority of the person acting on your behalf to = the=20 conduct of a particular transaction or type of transaction. A general = power of=20 attorney gives your attorney-in-fact virtually all the legal powers you = have. A=20 power of attorney expires on your death, or at such earlier time as you=20 designate in the power of attorney. If you have a joint bank account = with=20 someone who will have money to pay your bills (such as rent, credit card = debts,=20 etc.) while you are away, you may not need a power of attorney to = accomplish=20 that purpose

THE FAMILY=20 WHEELS

The family vehicle is an essential part = of family=20 life. A sudden or unexpected loss of transportation can create a burden = to the=20 family since there is no public transportation system. You should = complete this=20 checklist with your spouse.

1. Does the car need a = tune-up?

Mileage at last tune-up:=20 ______________

Mileage at next scheduled = tune-up:=20 _______________

2. Where should the car be taken for=20 service: ___________________________

3. What type of gasoline does = the car=20 use?

Is there water in the = battery?

Is the battery in good = condition?

What kind and size of battery = should be=20 purchased, if needed?

Where should a new battery be=20 purchased?

5. When is the car insurance = premium=20 due?

How much is it?=20 _________________________

To whom is it paid and how?=20 = _______________________________

6. Are the tires in good = condition? Does=20 your spouse know how to change a tire and where the jack is? Does = he/she=20 know where flares or reflective triangles are stored in = case=20 he/she breaks down away from home? (Or is the phone number of your = auto=20 club handy?)

Is there at least a 1/4" = tread?

Do you know how to check for = tread=20 depth?

Will the tires last through the=20 deployment?

If needed, what size, type, and = brand of=20 tires should be purchased?

Is there a guarantee on the = present tires and=20 is it readily = accessible?

7. Where are your vehicle = registration=20 papers? ____________________________

When does the registration = expire?=20 __________________________

Do you need a power of attorney = to register=20 your car?

Does car need to be lubricated = before the=20 end of this assignment/deployment?

If yes, at what mileage?=20 _____________

9. At what mileage should the = oil be=20 changed? ____________________

What type and weight of oil is = used?=20 __________________________

Where should this be done?=20 = _________________________________

10. Should the oil filter be=20 changed?

Should the spark plugs be=20 changed?

At what mileage should they be = changed?=20 ____________________

What brand and type plugs should = be used?=20 = ____________________________

12. Is a new air filter = needed?

When should a new air filter be = installed?=20 ____________________

Can you replace the filter=20 yourself?

13. When does your base sticker or = decal=20 expire? ________________________

14. Are there extra car keys in = the house?=20 (if yes--where) _______________

Other Things to Consider?

________________________________________________________________= ______________

________________________________________________________________= ______________

________________________________________________________________= ______________

=20 Common Car Problems

Starting Difficulties: If your car refuses to start, but the battery has enough = power to crank=20 the engine, you may not be using the correct starting procedures. For = most cars,=20 starting the engine when it is cold requires that you depress the gas = pedal to=20 the floor then release it. Turn on the ignition and attempt to start the = car,=20 the engine should start. If not, pump the accelerator two or three times = and try=20 again. If for some reason you have pumped the accelerator several times = and you=20 begin to smell a faint odor of gasoline, chances are you=92ve flooded = the engine.=20 This means that there is too much gas in the engine. In this case, wait = for two=20 or three minutes, depress the accelerator all the way to the floor, hold = it=20 while cranking the engine, and the car should start. As soon as it does, = release=20 the accelerator. If it doesn=92t start, there may be some mechanical=20 problem.

Dead=20 Battery:

A battery is considered "dead" = when it no=20 longer has enough power to turn the engine over. If there is only = enough=20 power in the battery to just slowly turn the engine, chances are = that the=20 engine is not going to start.

A battery that has lost its = charge can be=20 recharged by using a charger which takes household current and = transforms=20 it into the type needed in the battery. Battery chargers are = almost as=20 expensive as new batteries; however, by taking the battery to a = gas=20 station, it can be recharged for only a few dollars.

Sometimes, because of the age of = the battery=20 or "burned out" cells within the battery, the battery will not = take a=20 charge. That is, it will go dead as soon as you remove it from the = changing device. At this point, the only option left is to = purchase a new=20 battery.

The most common causes of battery = failures=20 are:

Excessive attempts to start an = engine that=20 has failed due to mechanical problems.

Too many starts (over a period of = several=20 weeks) and not enough driving time to recharge the battery with = the=20 alternator or generator.

Forgetting to turn off headlights = and other=20 electrical equipment which doesn=92t go off when the ignition is = turned=20 off.

Finally, equip your car for a "dead = battery=20 emergency" by buying a set of jumper cables. These are two lengths of = cable with=20 squeeze-type clamps at each end for transferring power from a good = battery into=20 a dead one to start the car. Once running, the engine will recharge the = dead=20 battery as explained above. Be sure to hook up the jumper cables = correctly:=20 watch polarity (+ and -). It is best to go over this procedure with = someone who=20 knows how before trying it yourself.

In Case of an Accident

An auto accident occurs in the United = States every=20 90 seconds; so buckle up for safety.

If you are involved in an accident, = STOP IMMEDIATELY AND

Aid any injured persons. Call a = doctor. Do=20 not move the injured person, as movement may add to their injury. = If=20 necessary, call an ambulance.

Call an officer of the = law.

Do not admit responsibility--make = no=20 statement regarding the accident except to the police. The law = requires=20 that you give your name, address, and license number. You are not = required=20 to give any other information at the scene of the = accident.

DO NOT REVEAL THE EXTENT OF YOUR = INSURANCE=20 COVERAGE TO ANYONE.

Take notes concerning all details = of the=20 accident. Be sure to get names and addresses of all injured = persons,=20 occupants of all cars, and other witnesses.

REPORT ALL ACCIDENTS TO YOUR = INSURANCE=20 COMPANY IMMEDIATELY. = Proof of=20 financial responsibility cannot be furnished by the company to = your state=20 authorities until the company receives your accident=20 report.

SAFETY=20 TIPS

Precautions to take at Home

1. Make a report to the police = immediately if you=20 suspect someone is inside your house or apartment when you return. (Do = not=20 enter; do call from some nearby phone.)

2. Start a "buddy system" by getting to = know a=20 neighbor you can count on for mutual self-protection.

3. Leave a light on when you go out. = Have your key=20 ready so you can go right in when you return.

4. Never admit a stranger. Ask to see = "ID" from=20 police or sales and repair people before opening the = door.

5. If you receive nuisance calls, hang = up quickly=20 and report it to the police or telephone company. Never give callers=20 information.

6. Replace old locks when you move to a = new=20 home.

7. Lock your doors and windows. The = best lock in=20 the world is no good if you don=92t use it.

8. Pull shades after dark.

9. Do not advertise that you are alone. = Use only a=20 last name on a door or mailbox. Get an unlisted phone = numbers.

10. Do not leave notes saying when you = will return=20 you may be giving information to the wrong person.

11. Use a "peephole" to see who is = outside before=20 opening the door.

12. Chain locks are not strong enough = to keep out a=20 determined intruder. Keep doors locked until you know who is there. = Deadbolt=20 locks are the strongest types (especially those requiring keys from both = sides).

13. Think twice before getting on an = elevator with=20 a stranger. It may be better to wait for an empty = elevator.

Precautions to take on the = road.

1. Be careful at intersections and = "stop lights"=20 while driving. They are favorite spots for troublemakers. Keep your car = in gear;=20 if threatened, blow your horn and drive away.

2. Keep doors locked and windows rolled = up. Keep=20 valuables out of sight.

3. Park in areas that will be well lit = when you=20 return. Lock doors and windows; and when you return, look to be sure no = one is=20 hiding in the car or nearby. Carry your door key for ready use and as a = weapon=20 should you feel threatened.

4. Should you have car trouble, raise = the hood and=20 tie a white cloth to your aerial; stay inside and keep the doors locked. = Ask=20 anyone who stops to help to report trouble to the nearest service = station (do=20 the same for others with car trouble).

5. Do not drive home or stop if = followed; drive to=20 the nearest police station, open store, or service station for = help.

6. NEVER pick up a stranger; = reconsider=20 picking up anyone, especially when you are alone.

7. When using public transportation = (subways,=20 trains or buses), wait near the ticket booth rather than on a deserted = platform.=20 On buses, sit behind the driver and keep a good grip on what you are=20 carrying--do not set it down. In taxis, when you arrive at your = destination have=20 the driver wait until you have gone inside.

PRECAUTIONS=20 TO TAKE WHILE WALKING/JOGGING

1. Walk with someone. You are much = safer with=20 company. Stay near people, walking in lonely areas will only invite=20 attacks.

2. Protect valuables, hold your = purse/briefcase=20 close to the body, carry your wallet in a safe inside pocket, and avoid = carrying=20 large amounts of cash. Do not flash money around.

3. Walk confidently; know where you are = going. If=20 you don=92t know, go to a store and ask for directions.

4. Well-lit areas are safest--avoid = dark streets,=20 unlighted tracks, entryways, etc.

5. Avoid shortcuts through parks, = alleys,=20 etc.

6. DO NOT accept rides from = strangers.

7. Dress for freedom of movement. Don't = wear long,=20 confining skirts, platform shoes, easy to grab capes, long necklaces or=20 scarves.

8. If you think you are being followed, = keep=20 looking back to let the person know you cannot be taken by surprise. If = someone=20 follows you on foot, cross the street, vary your pace, and change = directions. If=20 the person persists, go to a lighted area and call police. If someone = follows=20 you in a car, turn around and walk in the opposite direction or go up a = one-way=20 street. If the person persists, jot down the license number and call the = police.

FIRE SAFETY=20 TIPS

Fire safety is the responsibility of = everyone.=20 Maintain a "fire-free" status in your home by practicing good fire = safety=20 habits.

1. Make a rule to never leave small = children=20 unattended.

2. Ensure children are trained to keep = a safe=20 distance from flame and spark sources.

3. Always keep matches and lighters out = of reach of=20 children. Check "smoke detectors" weekly.

4. Develop and practice a fire escape = plan for your=20 home. Discuss it regularly with your family.

5. Ensure all exit routes to the = outside of the=20 house are clear.

6. Know what to do in case of = fire:

a. Get everyone out of the house. Do = not let anyone=20 reenter your home for any reason!

b. Call the fire department = (911).

7. Ensure gasoline is properly stored = in proper=20 safety cans and limited to small amounts.

8. Ensure gasoline for operating lawn = mowers is=20 always opened, poured, and used outdoors.

9. Use only recognized = laboratory-approved=20 electrical appliances and devices.

10. Do not use multiple sockets or = lightweight=20 extension cords.

11. Do not use splices, taped, or = defective=20 electric cords.

12. Do not run electrical cords under = rugs, around=20 pipes, or through combustible materials. Do not nail or tack cords to=20 woodwork.

13. Use only proper wattage light bulbs = (not over=20 60 watts).

14. Dispose of smoking materials = properly (saturate=20 with water before combining with other trash).

15. Ensure that the stove hood and duct = and the=20 kitchen area are kept clean and free of grease.

16. Clean the clothes dryer lint trap=20 regularly.

17. NEVER smoke in = bed.

18. NEVER leave cooking=20 unattended.

Maintain good housekeeping habits = throughout the=20 home, carport, and storage areas.

Unplug all under-counter kitchen = appliances when=20 not in use.

FINAL=20 PRE-SEPARATION CHECKLIST

1. Have you discussed your = feelings about=20 deployment and your spouse=92s return?

2. Have the children been included = in=20 discussions on where you are going, when you are coming home, why = you are=20 leaving?

3. Have you reached an agreement on frequency of letter writing/phone = calls?

4. Do you have current family = snapshots?=20 _________________________________

5. Have you recorded your = children=92s favorite=20 bedtime stories/songs on cassettes?

6. Do both the deploying = employee and=20 remaining parent or guardian understand what friends or = co-workers can do=20 for him/her and how to contact them?

Final Home Security Check

1. Has the home been given a security=20 check?

* Do all window locks = work?

* Do the windows open or are they = painted=20 shut?

* Do all door locks work=20 properly?

* Do you have keys for all doors = or=20 combination for all padlocks?

2. Do the smoke alarms function = and do you=20 know how to test them?

3. Are all emergency numbers = posted where=20 they can easily be referred to?

4. Is there an appropriate message = on the=20 answering machine?

(Having a male voice on the recording = sometimes=20 discourages crank phone calls.)

5. Do you need to change your phone = number=20 to an unlisted number?

(If so, make sure the employee=92s unit = has this new=20 number in case of emergencies.)

MEDICAL

1. Do you know and understand how to = access medical=20 facilities?

2. Do you know who your children=92s = pediatrician is=20 and what his/her phone number is?

3. Do you know your children=92s = dentist/orthodontist=20 and their appointment schedule?

4. Do you have all your prescription=20 medications?

IMPORTANT PHONE = NUMBERS

1. Ambulance 596-2155

2. American Red Cross=20 596-4151/1-877-272-7337

3. Army Community Service (ACS)=20 596-0212/0186

4. Army Drug And Alcohol Prevention = (ADAPCP)=20 596-0938

5. Army Emergency = Relief (AER)=20 596-0212

6. Army Family Team Building (AFTB)=20 596-0212

7. Behavioral Medicine Division = 596-0522

Family Advocacy Program = 596-9521

Social Work Services=20 596-0522

8. ID Card/DEERS = 596-0744

9. Missouri Driver's = License=20 774-8400

10. Chaplain = 596-HELP

11. Carlson Wagonlit=20 Travel

Official Travel = 329-4141

Unofficial = 329-3231

12. Guidon Paper = 563-4014

13. Billeting Office=20 596-0999

14. Commissary = 596-0689

15. Fire Station=20 596-0886/5610/0883

16. Passports = 596-0904

17. Post Exchange = 329-2200

18. School Liaison=20 563-4007

19. Transportation=20 596-0077

20. Youth Services=20 596-0209

21. Work Order = 596-0333

22. Child Abuse Hot = Line=20 1-800-392-3738

23. Child Development = Center=20 596-0197

24. Consumer Credit = Counseling=20 329-2533

25. Equal Opportunity = Programs=20 596-2610

26. Equal Opportunity = Hotline=20 596-0601

27. Exceptional Family = Member Program=20 Enrollment 596-0049

28. Family Advocacy = Program=20 596-0212

29. Family Childcare=20 596-1029

30. Employment = Readiness Program=20 596-0212

31. Quality of Life=20 563-5433

32. General Leonard = Wood Army=20 Community Hospital 596-1490

Appointments (Tricare)=20 329-8600

Emergency Room = 596-0456

33. Information Center = (Staff Duty)=20 563-6126

34. Health Promotions = Center=20 596-0491

35. Housing Division=20 596-0998

36. Inspector General=20 596-0486

37. Military Police=20 596-6141

38. Missouri Job = Service=20 336-7494

39. New Parent Support = Program (NPSP)=20 329-6301

40. Operator = (Automated)=20 596-0131

41. Pharmacy Refill=20 596-0128

42. Preventive Medicine = 596-0519

44. Pulaski County = Division Of Family=20 Services 774-6121

45. Spouse Abuse=20 Reporting:

Actual Incidence Of = Abuse=20 596-6141

To Seek Medical = Attention=20 596-0456

46. Staff Judge = Advocate (Legal=20 Assistance) 596-0624

47. Tricare = 1-888-Tri-West

48. Woman, Infant and = Children=20 (WIC):

Fort Leonard Wood = 329-3466

Crocker=20 573-736-2218

49. Food Stamps = 774-6171

50. Better Business = Bureau=20 1-800-948-5791

51. United Concordia = (Dental)=20 1-800-866-8499

52. Information and = Referral=20 596-0212

**********************************

FINAL=20 THOUGHTS

If you have taken the time to review = this Guide,=20 take some time to enjoy the company of your family and friends. Your = family and=20 friends will be taken care of. They care, and so does your Army=20 family.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Army Community Service, Fort Leonard = Wood,=20 Missouri, acknowledges that the information in this book was obtained = from the=20 following resources, and that this book will be used for not-for-profit=20 purposes.

FEMA Personal Readiness = Guide

Moody AFB, Georgia, Family Support = Center Readiness=20 Guide

Fort McClellan, Alabama, Army Community = Service=20 Deployment Handbook

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